Documented Outings With Friends

May 10, 2001

Go-Carts and Bowling

A few nights ago me and the guys went out for a night of entertainment. This story didn't make it to the web until just now because I've been having some Hard Drive "issues" and wheel leave it at that for later post.

So Chris comes over at around 4:30 to beat the traffic (as he always does). We call up Nick and tell him to come over, and we are both kinda hungry so head on over to Wendy's for some eats. After about 2 hours of talk and food consumption we figure Nick is about ready to leave (he takes a little while to get ready). Chris and I start the drive home (all of about 37 feet). We get back and nick calls and tells Chris that he hasn't left yet, so we bitch at him and say "Fine, your punishment is you have to drive tonight."

Event #1: The four (4) of us arrive at Lil 500 which is a go-cart track and race-way. We are the only ones there. After fighting for a while about what track to go on first. Finally we're like screw it we'll go on the dirt track, we load up and we're off... (This is one of the reasons this post was delayed. I wanted to read some sports articles so that I could write the following text to NOT be friggin boring as hell, but here goes)Mike pulls out first and takes the lead, I take an immediate second, Chris in third, and Nick in fourth. BTW this is written from my perspective because guess what... I am writing it! and I dunno what the other guys did; they were behind me. ;-) This orientation stayed the same for approximately 4-5 laps until Mike makes a bad turn and doesn't hug the curve thus opening a large enough gap for me to squeeze through. I seize the opportunity and snag the lead; Chris being right behind me, also rapes the opportunity and slips through. It had rained recently enough to make the metal grid-work that covered dirt just a little bit slick. Now this was an really cool thing because I could maintain the lead till the end because I found that I could slide around the corners and partially loose traction. So to make this post fit in a 1600x1200 screen resolution I'll cut out the rest of the dirt track and spill the beans that I beat the pants off of everyone even after my engine cut off and on.

Event #2: The Slick Track - Now apparently Nick won this one. I don't care what you say Chris, but even if you can recover yourself, it is still a spinout! Just because a cat has her kittens in the oven doesn't mean they're biscuits. NO, it doesn't matter. No, no I don't care how you explain it. If you spin-out and are able to recover on your own, YOU STILL SPIN-OUT! End of debate. :-P

Event #3: The Slick Track 2 - This time two (2) other d00ds joined in on the fun. At the end of this race we were all walkin' funny because of the tremendous ass raping we had all just received! One of the other two guys just totally kicked our asses all around the track. "Nick: That guy lapped us all like 5 times... Well, he lapped me 2x ". Needless to say we all lost but this didn't really phase us because we just really didn't care. Okay, now that that is done I realize it probably took the same amount of time for you to read that as it took to actually do it, so the conclusion will be written tomorrow in a article entitled "Continuation: Bowling Marathon".

Event #4 - The Bowling Alley: This time at the bowling alley they offered us a Bowling Plan, which is sort of a strange concept, so I'll be sure to type it slowly. This is where they say: you give us some money and we will let you roll our balls around on our polished floor over there in the hopes of hitting some "pins" at the other end for a designated amount of time (for this scenario it lasted just over 2 hours). We of course agreed because we liked what they had to say. On the bowling machine that tabulates your scores we entered our typical names: Redneck, LEET, LPB, and haxor. (that's funny, the spell checker recognizes Redneck as a word hehe). Because of the last bowling disaster (my score was 31 at the end), I requested to have the gutter thingies on this lane. In the first game we were getting the feel for the game and we scored 91, 113, 96, 110 respectively. By the end if the first game we were real pros, we were also trying out different ball weights, finger sizes and other variables as well. Scores go as follows 107, 103, 106, and me with 122. I kicked ass! The third game was the record breaker in many ways. This was the most amazing things I have seen in literally tens of minutes. I found a 16 pound ball tat we nicknamed Tank. This ball would roll right for the dead center of the pins regardless of the direction you threw it. You could fling it toward the exit if the friggin building and it would still knock down at least 8 of the 10 pins. This ball was amazing. I later in this game found some alien area 51 testing ball that looked like it had been adversely affected by radiation or something, I mean it was really f@$!ed up ball. We nicknamed this one Dozer. Now, here's the amazing part: Nick rolled Dozer slower than any ball has ever been rolled in human history. It was moving so slowly that if it were to be going any slower it'd be moving backwards. This thing was moving so slowly that one midget could reconstruct the Great Pyramids brick by brick in Australia before it would reach the pins. Okay, so after Bob the midget remarkably built 2 of the pyramids we were able to watch Dozer come in contact with the first pin. It kept going and knocked down 8 more. It was so strange that this ball could have enough inertia to continue moving at the same velocity even after it knocked down 9 pins. The scores for the third round were 89, 106, 117, and 98. The last round we partially decided to just mess around and see just how low we could get our scores with the bumpers keeping us on the lane. Mike (Redneck) was seeing just how many times he could get his 6 pound ball to bounce off the bumpers and still make it to the end of the lane. Nick (LPB) and Chris (LEET) were in a heated competition to get the low scores and I... Well, I was backing up to the lane, bending over and pushing Tank between my legs. Other times i would just lob the 6 pound green ball as fast as I could at the pins. Mike was also attempting to see how many times he could get his ball to bounce in the air (rednecks like to watch things bounce wether its a 6 pound bowling ball or a stock car at a Bithlonian race track). While these scores do not really differ from when we were trying to get high scores, they do reflect our minimal efforts: 86, 90, 90, and 85. One last thing I must mention. Nick DID try to get a ball to go slower than before. This time he rolled it and we al just went "Oh geezus not again". The ball gets about 10 feet down the lane and we figure it is stopping. It slows down more then IT ACTUALLY REVERSED DIRECTION AND CAME BACK! It rolled all the way back to the starting line where Nick picked it up and tried a real throw.

Event #5 - Denny's (again): On the way to Denny's we are sitting at the traffic light in the turning lane and I happen to glance down at the median and see a drainage hole for the city's water removal system. Beside it a plaque affixed to the concrete. This piece of metal read: "No dumping of fecal mater, This drains to the lake system of Florida." Here's what confused me... Who would collect all (or most) of their toilet's contents in a mobile container and go to that turning lane in the middle of an intersection and empty it into this small drain. THIS PERSON WOULD HAVE SO LITTLE OF A BRAIN LEFT THAT THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO READ THE TINY METAL SIGN! Whatever. Apparently on busy nights Denny's decides to fold their mailers and fliers (yeah, I know... Denny's has mailers and fliers?!?), so we were forced into the back with these guys that looked like they had been taken from a rest stop in the middle of Kentucky at 1:00 AM. We quickly escaped that boot seat and stole one on the other side of the building. Good for us. The waitresses must have felt sorry for us because every single one of them in the restaurant visited our table multiple times asking if we need anything at all. Chris told Mike and I to not give Nick any sugar. I have no idea what happens to Nick when he gets a hold of sugar, but I would imagine it would be akin to what happens to Gremlens when they get wet. So just for the hell of it I kept slipping Nick sugar packets for the entire duration of our stay at Denny's. Oh, and did you know that you can add cherry flavoring to any drink at Denny's for 39 cents! We all got Root Beer with cherry flavoring and no ice. Always order soda with no ice. Toward the end of our stay, this guy came up to that machine with the arm that grabs stuffed animals for quarters, and actually WON AN ANIMAL! The Guy did a perfect maneuver and snagged one. As the NRA says its not guns who people its maneuvers. I think that covers that night well enough.

May 4 2001

Denied of Bowling!

I just got back from a bowling expedition. I call it an expedition because we traversed around the entire city looking for an alley we could patronize. Get this the first bowling alley we went to actually DENIED us! As the guy at the counter was explaining this astonishing event to us; the only thing that kept playing in my head was the Denied.wav announcer voice from Quake 3. Let me repeat this: WE WERE DENIED AT A BOWLING ALLEY. Do you know how tarnished that makes you feel?! So after that failure we decided to hit a Go Cart racing track. After roughly 20 minutes of driving we get to the tracks and we find that they AREN'T EVEN OPEN TODAY! By this time the 4 of us found ourselves on the other side of town. It being 11:20 PM we just had to do something. Solution... Find another bowling alley. We located one and were off (Just so happened to be even farther in the boonies/outskirts of the city). Well we purchased our lane at the "boonies" alley and were forced into "buying" our shoes. Apparently EVERYONE is better at bowling than myself. The good part about my score was almost a palindrome (same forwards and backwards). I scored a 1 0 3 3 7 7 3 3 0 9. you may also notice that the score is comprised of mostly prime numbers and does in fact contain 1337 which is what our bowling handles were; "h4x0r", "1337", "r0x0rz", "13xM0r3". even my final score of 31 is a prime number >:-D